Since they were very young I have sung to my girls. Even before I had kids sometimes I would just sing to Christa alone in the dark laying on our bed. I’d sing in a sort of falsetto whisper, jazz mostly. “More,” “Come Rain or Come Shine,” “Misty,” “Always,” and any other standards I knew by heart. 

When Stella came around I moved into The Beatles and James Taylor catalogue. The “Good night” song from the White Album and “You’ve Got a Friend”... not forsaking her namesake, Sarah Vaughan’s, “Lullaby of Birdland.” Now we sing the endings together.

Liam’s song is kept secret in my heart now... I sang it once to a group of friends but it was for them only... and I even regret doing it a little bit.

Before Liora was born I sang her Elvis Costello’s “She” and when she arrived I sang to her Nina Simon’s “Wild is the Wind,” although she would rather I just sing the “baby-swim” song, a rather silly song about a boy, a girl, a boat and the moon. 

I sing what I believe... what I know to be true of my relationship with them. The singing itself is because of my relationship. When I’m rocking them in the rocking chair or lying next to them stroking their hair I want to do nothing else.

Then the most beautiful thing happens. They close their eyes, their breathing slows down and they relax into rest.

And when THEY sing!? Well... How else can you explain that without using the word “Heaven?” It’s pure and unadulterated joy. 

Maybe you know what this is like. If you are a parent you do... although it’s not just parents who feel this. In some way, we have all felt this as children (hopefully) because we are all sons and daughters and our Father/our Lover has done this for us even before we knew what music was... even before we knew what language was.

There is a little competition parents go through when their kids are about one year of age. They have started to verbalize a little bit and we start to wonder what are they gonna say first? Momma? Dadda? So we go to work! Of course we will love whatever their first word is but secretly we want them to say our name first... or rather, our title; our role, which has in some way replaced our name... our identity. We hover over them and chant “Da-da” or “Ma-ma” again and again. We say it slowly at first, then, with a directive, “Say Dadda... Say Dadda!” (with all the corresponding pitch variations... sometime with added rhythms). This actually may be the first song we ever learn... just one word.We stand at the ready to claim and defend any sound that even comes close to our desired name. I wanted them to say my name back to me and acknowledge the nature of our relationship. I wanted them to know that MY NAME means love, safety, provision. 

Jesus is doing the same thing with us right now. Even before we were able to grasp what real language was... He wanted/wants us to say his name back to him so that we understand what it means... His name is a title too, “Ye-shua,” “God is salvation.” Jesus also told us to call God by his title too... “Abba,” literally: “Dadda.” So that we might remember not only that he is our daddy but that we are his babies. 

I was listening to an interview with a journalist who is a self-proclaimed Zionist. He was making a controversial case for distinguishing the difference between democratic Israel and Gaza on the West Bank. He was proposing a boycott of products that come from the West Bank. Obviously, this has created an uproar with a lot of people, Jewish and Christian alike, because it touches on the foundations of the Israeli and Palestinian struggle. What was interesting to me was that part of what led him to his position was a video that an Israeli friend had sent to him of a Palestinian man being arrested in the West Bank for trying to connect his village to some water pipes that ran through a nearby Israeli settlement (There is a great inequality in water allocation between Israeli and Palestinians in Gaza.) As he was being taken away the man’s young son (who was about the age of the journalist’s son) was crying out “Babba! Babba!” ( a mistaken pronunciation of “Abba” that his father must have allowed because it was so endearing)... it just so happened that the journalist’s son said “daddy” in the same incorrect way, “Babba” instead of “Abba.” For this journalist, the whole issue was then transfigured. Like he was hearing his own boy crying “Baba” in the street.

Hearing this story made me realize it’s not the name itself but the meaning behind the name. “Abba” is God’s name, “Yeshua” is Jesus’ name but even if we say it incorrectly he still wants to hear it. He wants us to say it because of what it means about how we think of him. It means just this: I acknowledge in a word our intimacy.

Since I was very young, my Babba has been singing to me. Even before I knew language.. before I even had a mouth he was singing. It sounded like jazz at first... scat singing... syllables without meaning. After a while I could put together phrases.

“Love me, love me... say you do...” 

As I grew up words came to me and I could say his name... before long I could sing with him too... 

“Always... Until the day is night and night becomes the day...” 

... And when we sing together He is... I am... in Heaven.

I remember the libraries from each of the cities I have lived in. 

I remember school libraries and the library from college.

We live close to a library now. We walk there often in the summer. It is a safe and special place and I’m grateful for its’ nearness.

We read often to our girls. Paul is currently reading his way through The Chronicles of Narnia with Stella. Dayli goes through phases with books, loving one and needing to read it several times a day and then it goes back on the shelf replaced by a new favorite.

There are many beautiful children’s books out there. Some, with pictures so beautiful your eyes ache. Some, that bring raucous laughter or quiet tears with each reading. Whether you have children or not, I recommend you take a walk to your library (drive if you must) and find a corner and see if you can’t read a few of the following:

In the Beginning There was no Sky  by Walter Wangerin, Jr.

This book is a sweet account of the creation of the world. It’s thoughtful, beautiful and was Paul’s gift to Stella for Christmas a few years ago. On the trip that was to be my last time seeing my Granma, one of the last moments I had with her was reading this book aloud to her. My eyes well with tears. Every. Single. Time.

There’s a Train Going By My Window  by Wendy Kesselman

This is a book the same Granma gave to me when I was little. Her handwriting lives in the front. The images were so exotic to my little Kansas girl mind. It’s a simple rhyme about a girl dreaming where the train that runs past her window will take her. I think it’s about dreams and hope. 

The Serendipity Series  by Stephen Cosgrove

These books are from my childhood as well. I remember thinking that the pictures were lovely. Each story strives to tell a lesson, perhaps about manners or patience. They all take place in a magical world called Serendipity and it’s great for the imagination. 

Martin’s Big Words  by Doreen Rappaport

I bought this book for Stella. Again, the illustrations are beautiful. It tells the story of Martin Luther King, Jr. in a simple and profound way. Some of Martin’s big words are: Together. Love. Peace. Freedom. 

Kiss Goodnight By Amy Hest and Anita Jeram

This was a board book that my parents bought for baby Stella. A momma bear readies her son for bed. This book is so gooey sweet that your heart will melt as you wish your momma had the same bedtime routine for you when you were a child.

The Mysteries of Harris Burdick  by Chris Van Allsburg

The legend goes that Chris Van Allsburg came across these drawings in the home of a friend. The friend once worked for a children’s book publisher where the drawings were dropped off one day by Harris Burdick.  Burdick was invited to return the following day to bring along the stories he had written to go along with each picture. But, Harris Burdick never returned. These are lovely, creepy, imagination-stirring images that all children need to look at and then wonder about. 

The Peace Book  by Todd Parr

Simple and profound. This book is a good definition of the peace that I think every woman, man and child is to strive to bring to the world. (all of his books are delightful!)

Porcupining  by Lisa Wheeler

A book we found in the library one summer, told in rhyme with a sweet little twangy song to sing, all the RL’s fell in love with this. A porcupine is looking for love and you have to read it to see if he finds any!!!

Sylvester and the Magic Pebble  by William Steig

Another book from my librarian granma. It was magical to me when I was little. Poor Sylvester makes a poor choice of a wish on a magic pebble and a bit of a sad adventure ensues. But, all is well that ends well. And love...well, love is the main idea here...and all the characters understand that at adventures end.

Happy Reading!

As our attentions are drawn once again to mothers this week ( You know, since mother's day is this Sunday... but you knew that right?) I wanted to re-post a video I did last year that was made for Restoration Community Church last year. You may notice the three stars of the film, they are the three love's of my life one year younger than they are now.

This short film attempts to hold in tension the desires and fears a mom has in her head as she goes about her holy work. Christa and I wrote this peice together and it is her voice that narrates the film.

To all mothers, My hope is that you hear and see something that is true and beautiful and afterwards feel a little more hope and courage to love the high calling you've recieved whether you have children or not.

To all my mothers, Thank you. Everything I touch has your fingerprint.

I Love you. 

 It has been a landmark year for Torn Curtain and Dare 2 Share. It is the first tour that has involved the partnership with Colorado Christian University and four interns from the school of music, the first tour for me on the road again after a year hiatus, the first time we produced a session-long dance piece that included, dance, live music, and real-time illustration and narration, and  thousands of first moments that happened for thousands of people who came to the events; events that had never happened before and will never happen again.

All in all, it's been a very full year indeed. I wanted to post a few responses that have made their way back to me from the seven Dare 2 Share conferences this year. Thank you for you supporting and participating in this work of transformion.

If you don't support TCA  yet, I would invite you to consider "What is the worth of a good story?" and ask you if there is someway you might participate with us in the healing of all thing through the cultivation of actors and dramatic artists. Pray about it and then I'd love to talk to you!

Thanks again! Here are some stories!

"I totally loved the dramas that were performed this past weekend at Dayton's dare2share. they were very inspiring,very talented and totally awesome. They gave me goosebumps/chills after every act. I am from Youngstown, Ohio, I have a HUGE passion for theater and for CHRIST and have been dying to combine them.my skills include acting, directing, writing,and singing.My question to you is how I can become a part of the awesome ministry that your company provides and serve Christ with the talents that he has provided me to use for HIM.If you accept new members let me know what the next step would be to take whether its sending you a resume or an audition video of some sort... I can't wait to hear from you.thank you for your time"

 - Ben Gavitt

"Saw some of your actors and actresess at Dare 2 Share in Lincholn Nebraska!!! You guys were AMAZING!!!! Acting for JESUS is AWESOME!! Hope I can do that someday too!!

 You guys are AMAZING!!!! I want to be like you when I grow up!!!!!:) I saw you in Lincoln, Nebraska at Dare 2 Share you guys are the BEST!!!!!!!!!!:) I really hope you tour with Dare 2 Share next year!!!!!!!!:)" 

- Kayla Lane

I attended the D2S conference in Dayton, OH and was really moved by the skit done on Saturday where Greg read the story of the King and his bride while the actors danced and acted out the story and the musicians sang and played. I would LOVE to get my hands on the story that Greg read and use it at our Easter service at my church. I was so moved by the interpretation of the Gospel in that story and I know that many in our crowd would be as well. Would there be anyway I could get the words to the story that Greg read?

-Dave Neeley

 I just saw you guys perform at Dare 2 Share in Dayton and just want to say that your dramas were life changing. Thank you!! There was so much talent in the group that performed and I could see that they were doing it for Our Lord Jesus. Thank you for inspiring me to be all that I can be and that I need to live like I'm dying everyday because we never know when the end is going to come. (My favorite one was the Romance Dance!!)
Thank you again,
- Andrea B.

Hey there! I guess I'll just start off like that... Umm I'm just contacting you because I wanted to thank you. I went to the Lincoln session and it really touched me! A little background on me is when I was 10 I got in a terrible car accident, lost my dad, brother (on his own birthday) & step mom because of it & now I'm a "miracle" to people, which I guess if every doctor in Creighton University Medical Center knows you by name, that's what you'd be considered too. Look me me up on Google for any details about the accident. But I just want to know that your skit really changed me! Ever since the accident I have made terrible terrible decisions, & Im only 13. & when I saw how the devil was there watching that girl watching everything, it made me think how God was there too. He has watched me make these decisions, and just that is enough to make me cry. So thank you, thank you so much. You have honestly changed my life. <3

- Marti Ita

Hello! My name is Taylor, and I saw you guys on the Dare2Share GameDay Tour. I absolutely fell in love with the Judgement Day skit that was performed. I was wondering if there would be any chance for me to get the script for it, because I really want to show it to my friends, church, and family. I just loved the way that it was so honest and didn't hide anything about how serious the matter of Heaven or Hell is.
The skit brought tears to my eyes and showed me the reality that life is short and I need to reach out to anyone and everyone about the word of God. It would be wonderful if you could help me out. I have been acting for a while and I have a few friends that would help me out with performing it. Also, if you would rather not give out the script, I was wondering if you had a video of the skit so i could show it to my church and family.
Thank you so much for your time,

-Taylor Arnold

I'd like to wrap up this entry with a link to video made by one of this year's actors, Katie Columbia. Katie and I really wrestled early in the process on how to authentically and responsibly portray a character who choses eternal separation from God. It's a controversaial topic, maybe the most controversial in Christianity. However, the goal for me is never the conclusion we reach about what is "Hell" and why, but rather, the discussions and process that develops between actor and director through the investigation. Anyway, this is a post from Katie's video journal after her final performance in "The Advocate." Thank you again for your support folks. Love ya.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=3732728082622

My day job is as a Worship Pastor for a church in south Denver called Restoration. Because of this my last week was incredibly busy. Easter is the biggest date for the evangelical church in America and my church was no exception. We had a total of over 700 people show up to one of the 4 services we did and I had the great privilege of crafting the event with some genuine artists and ministers. Needless to say yesterday was not a holiday for me and my family. Easter is a lot of work... good work, but work none the less.

So today was Easter Monday. Stella had the day off from school (thanks to the Lutherans) and so we had our egg hunt in the back yard and a trip to the zoo. We watched "The Empire Strikes Back" with Stella for the 1st time and we had the not-so-traditional amaretto french-toast Easter dinner. The Romig-Leavitt's took a real day off.

So you'll have to forgive me on cheating a bit with the blog this week. After dinner tonight I asked Christa what I should say. She suggested I simply pass on the litanies we included in our station during the Good Friday service at Restoration. The Service was a walk though the liturgical stations of the cross and Christa and I had created a station on "Justice" that included the Litany of The Blessed Virgin Mary and another Litany written by David Craig insprired by this prayer. They are such rich pieces that we thought they should be shared with all of you to contemplate as you begin this season of resurrection. Enjoy.

By the way, the image above is an orginal peice I created for the Restoration service to compliment the litanies.

Something to note:

“David Craig’s “Litany” is a meditation on human need and suffering. It partially echoes an ancient prayer, “The Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary”. Craig’s poem leaves off the supplication “pray for us” that concludes each phrase of the marian text. His “Litany”, therefore, becomes more lamentation than intercessory prayer, his “Mother” more a silent companion of sorrow than a refuge or source of mercy.”            David Impastato

Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary

Lord, have mercy on us.

Christ, have mercy on us.

Lord, have mercy on us.

Christ, hear us.

Christ, graciously hear us.

God the Father of Heaven,

Have mercy on us.

God the Son, Redeemer of the world,

Have mercy on us.

God the Holy Ghost,

Have mercy on us.

Holy Trinity, one God,

Have mercy on us.

Mother of Christ,

pray for us.

Mother of divine grace,

pray for us.

Mother most amiable,

pray for us.

Mother most admirable,

pray for us.

Mother of good counsel,

pray for us.

Mother of our Creator,

pray for us.

Mother of our Savior,

pray for us.

Mirror of justice,

pray for us.

Seat of wisdom,

pray for us.

Cause of our joy,

pray for us.

Morning star,

pray for us.

Health of the sick,

pray for us.

Refuge of sinners,

pray for us.

Comforter of the afflicted,

pray for us.

Help of Christians,

pray for us.

Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world,

Spare us, O Lord.

Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world,

Graciously hear us, O Lord.

Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world,

Have mercy on us. 

Grant, we beseech Thee, O Lord God, that we Thy Servants may enjoy perpetual health of mind and body and be delivered from present sorrow and unjoy enternal happiness. Through Christ Our Lord. Amen. 

Litany

 by David Craig

Mother of Sorrow,

Mother of stars and night fires, arroyos,

tossed tequila bottles,

the dead drunk.

Mother of the streets, 

of the violent,

weekend golfers, cut off,

and a windshield smashed with bare fists;

the knife, the absurdity, 

the day in court.

Mother of amphetamines,

the aging speed freak, who looks to kick around an oval track in a beat up stock car. 

Mother of day laborers,

children, early mornings,

in the fields. 

Mother of Guatemala,

of empty Ohio River steel towns where no more black soot seeps into the cracks of houses.

Mother of Cleveland, of every neon bar, honky tonk. Mother of Hank Williams, late night 

pick-ups that end in anguish or bruises.

Mother of every redneck, alone and crossed at closing,             

every liberal who circles a silo in protest, crying out to be loved.

Recently, I was approached by a student from Colorado Christian University, Leah Hughes, who is doing her senior thesis on morality and the arts, specifically as it pertains to theatre and musical theatre. I liked her questions so much and thought that since the topic dealt with values at the core of TCA. You might also like to read them. So below are her questions and my responses.

How have you dealt with the moral dilemma in the musical theater/theater world, especially when considering a role or story line you might be uncomfortable with?

The first question I ask when approaching a role (regardless of whether the work is labeled “Christian” or otherwise.) is,“Is this true?” and the 2nd question is, “Is this helpful?”

          I don’t see my calling as an actor and as a Christian to be any different from each other. Both are in pursuit of truth (which I don’t believe to be an abstract idea but rather a person). Most of the truest things are frightening or ugly or depraved... in a word, “sinful.” If you are to tell a story properly you will traffic in the details of sin. I believe “morality” is at the center of every play. The issue to me, is not whether there is sex and violence in the scene but rather what is the authors perspective on it? How is it used to advance the story. If it is extraneous, then I want nothing to do with it. If it simply exists to stimulate or entertain an audience, I’m not interested. 

         If I am uncomfortable with something in a play it is my responsibility to investigate “why?” without resorting to surface answers or quick Christian responses. In the end, I might very well want to do the scene because it is uncomfortable! Simply because I have decided that it is “true.” I don’t think a truly committed actor can make simple policies without having put in some serious pathos on the subject.

          The second question, I ask because I am a Jesus follower, and the most important story I tell is my own. I constantly have to  weight the cost and reward of my work on my own life. I was just listening to a review of the broadway revival of “Death of A Salesman” on the radio the other day, and the reporter commented on the serious depression that plagued George C. Scott after he portrayed the famed Willy Loman back in the ‘70s. I wonder if it was all worth it? What reward did he get from it? In the end, it’s a very personal answer. He may have received a wonderful gift from that time that far outweighed the emotional strain of the role but I hope it wasn’t just to give people a great performance of a play because in the end what is that worth?

         I am a bent and broken man like everyone else and I have my own pocketful of triggers and addictions, the more time I hang around Jesus the more I see the cost of those vices. I try to minimize my exposure to those things and so when there is a project that comes along that deals with them, I have to wrestle for a while with the cost and rewards of doing it. I can imagine that there would be some projects that would deal with my “triggers” that Jesus wants me to do, because of the setting, the rewards, the cast, the audience, etc. There are no easy answers, that’s what intimacy is all about... and I want to be intimate with Jesus... so to sumerize, I weight the cost/rewards to me personally very carefully.

Did you ever feel uncomfortable portraying a part that was not moral in your eyes?

         No. I came close... It was actually with some Christian material that I wasn’t sure was telling the truth about God. Essentially, the question was “Should we be afraid of God’s wrath?”... See? How would you answer that? I think it depends on the audience you are performing to... in the end, I feel sort of mixed about the whole thing. The story I told could have done great destruction but it also yielded great transformation in a great many people... who knows... goes back to cost and rewards.

What do you consider to be immoral in the world of musical theater/theater?

              Lying. Doing or saying something that you do not believe. Here is my example: I recently played Lucifer in this year’s Dare 2 Share tour and I say and do things that are completely foreign to me and yet most of the role is uncomfortably close to how I actually operate. I can understand his motivations more than I can Jesus’ motivations. This is of course, is exactly why I need saving. Take another example: I played Mercutio (Romeo and Juliet) when I was in college. As Shakespeare describes him, He is a  debauched, sex-crazed, drunken teenager (those exist right?) who had begun to spiral out of control. His world was violence. In every way, violence. If I didn’t surrender to that perspective on the world I could not play him as honestly as I could. I felt like I paid for it too. Which is good! I wanted to! The cost did not outweigh the reward for me.

I will say this too. The job of the audience is the same. I love film! I love great film! But not all great film is beneficial for me. I probably will never see “Boogie Nights” even though it is by one of my favorite directors, Paul Thomas Anderson, It’s about the pornography industry and that’s a trigger for me. In the end, my story is more important to me that watching a great film. We all need to ask if viewing/hearing any given piece of art is worth the cost. You cannot pass the responsibly for your life on the artist.

Furthermore, plays and works of art are amoral. They are nutral. People are moral or immoral and people can write things that are either true (As it relates to Jesus and the created world) or untrue. I think I just come down to perspective. Wheather or not the author's/director's/actor's perspective on the human condition is creative or destructive. 

 In your own opinion, what are the main characteristics a Christian needs to have about when pursuing musical theater/theater? 

I will try and simplify my thoughts of this (maybe overly so) to a couple of things. 

Be a perpetual observer/student: Watch everything that is going on around you, see the stories that are happening now and think about what makes you react to them. Study people. Read great plays. Great music. Read Great books. Watch Great film. Don’t get sucked into the dull noise of all the mindless entertainment in the world. Artistically speaking, You have nothing interesting to give unless you have fed yourself right.

Have  a strong work ethic: Passion for singing, acting or performing won’t take you very far on its own. The very career itself will constantly test your system of cost and rewards. The work of an actor involves relatively  little performance proportional to the work you spend on preparation. Reading, rehearsing music and scripts, individual and group exercises, auditioning, marketing yourself etc. Your work is Preparation. Performance is the result of your work.  

 Have a mission: The qualifier “Christian” you have made changes everything because everything a Christian does is spiritual. So the question is not “why or how does someone become an actor?” but “why or How does a Christian become an actor?” I think at the basic level, an artist who is Christian is called to fill the world with good art. that is their purpose and by this they bring glory to God. If you can manage this you will give the world a great gift but you must be intentional about it. You do not have the luxury of simply doing what you want, your work will carry the reputation you put to it. So if you want to be a Christian actor, you need to really accept all that this entails. It doesn’t mean that you just do explicitly “Christian” labeled art. There is a lot of bad art out their in the name of Jesus that is a mockery of his beauty, creativity and mystery. There is nothing Christian about most of the “Christian” art out there. Beyond the simple mission of creating good art you may find that God will give you a specific pathos (suffering = passion) which becomes a mission that will follow you around wherever you go. That is what every Christian actor needs... What is the specific story God wants your participation in?

Thank you Leah for the great questions!

When you walk into a theatre or church, house lights are usually already on. They might be recessed lights, track lights or in some cases lamps. After about fifteen minutes pass, these lights dim and instinctively you wrap up any conversations you may have been having about the carpet, or program or video screens and you find your seat. You may sit for a moment in the dark but then…something amazing happens! New lights come on! Different than before because although several lights are on in the same room you are in, you can’t really see much of what is around you with any clarity. These are stage lights, they show you what is on stage. Each light is specifically designed to aim, focus, color or restrict light to fit a purpose. Not to show you what is around you... no, just to show you what is on stage. Ok? Can we move on?

Directors, playwrights, actors, musicians and pastors plan and organize words and movements to put under the stage lights to keep you interested and focused on what is on stage and not around you. Occasionally, you may hear a noise like a baby crying or even an adult crying but this is unintentional and ultimately distracting to what is on stage. In moments like that it’s a good thing the house lights are off so you won’t be distracted for long. After you have heard and seen all that the producers of the play or worship service have wanted you to see the house lights will come back on. After blinking your eyes a couple times you will look around, locate the exit, grab your coat, stand and join the line of people heading toward the door. If you came with someone, you will talk about how good or bad the show was regardless of it was a play or worship service. Almost certainly you will have an opinion on the music. You probably won’t think about how many other people there are at the same event until you are in your car in the parking lot trying to merge into the steady stream of vehicles moving to the street. You simply didn’t notice them before… because the stage lights were on. You were watching what was on stage.

So, I was thinking… what if the house lights were left on? What would happen? Would you still watch what was on stage? Or watch something else? How would you feel if you were the person on stage? Would you go on singing? Acting? Speaking?

You see, when the stage lights are on we miss the obvious fact that we can all see each other not just the people on stage. 

Maybe then it would be easier to see who was crying or in pain…and maybe we could see how far it is from us to them. See how to help. 

Which might be good or bad…bad, I guess, if you’re at a play… 

but better, if you’re in a church.